The 'P's of my life

Parents – My PARENTS….the two people in this world who love me, care for me, worry about me, are protective of me, who have always stood by me and for whom I will always remain their ‘child’ no matter how old I get. The two people in this world whom I love, care for, worry about, have had my share of ‘tiffs’ in my growing years and yet remained the apple of their eye, whom I will forever carry in my heart and whom I call ‘Acchan’ (Malayalam for father) and ‘Amma’ (Malayalam for mother).

Prayer – I believe in the power of PRAYER. There have been times in my life when I have felt completely lost and prayer has worked wonders. To me, there is strength in prayer. To me, prayer can calm my mind if it is restless. To me, prayer is the branch that helps me hold on when I feel like I am going through a storm. To me, prayer has always shown that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And I strongly believe that it does not matter by which name you address your God…..a prayer with a true heart and devotion will always show you the right way.

Predictability – I like PREDICTABILITY in my life. This also perhaps makes me a bit boring but that is just the way it is. Uncertainty of any sort completely unsettles me…..leaving me feeling chaotic and restless. When I was pregnant with my son, my ex-colleague (who is also a very good friend and knows me well) used to joke about this trait of mine saying….Knowing you, I won’t be surprised if you have this baby EXACTLY on due date…..not a day before and not a day after. And was she thrilled when I went into labor one Christmas eve many years ago and my son was born on the day of Christmas that year….EXACTLY on the due date…..not one day before and not a day after.

Planner/Procrastinator – So the good news is, I am a PLANNER….for the most part in my life, I am good at planning AND executing what I plan. But the bad news is, for certain things, I am also a huge PROCRASTINATOR….I can put off things until I ‘really have’ to get to it. Recently, I read somewhere that all human beings are Procrastinators….I don’t really think that is true but it certainly made me feel better….because procrastination comes hand in hand with a huge guilt at not getting the thing done. And why do I procrastinate at certain things? The excuses are many….other things need to be done, will get to it later so it can be done perfectly, laziness, inertia….yes, the ‘excuses’ are many but honestly, the simple reason is because ‘I can’…..and hence, this is a habit I am working hard on getting rid of.

‘P’ is for – ‘P’ is for PRIDE….I don’t want Pride to ever come in the way of being able to say ‘SORRY’ if I am wrong. ‘P’ is for POLES APART….I believe two people can be Poles Apart….as different as day and night….and still be the best of friends…..after all, opposites do attract. ‘P’ is for PREDICAMENT….Since life sometimes offers different choices….different paths leading to different destinations…it often leaves me in a Predicament…in a situation where I don’t know what to do. ‘P’ is for PASSION…I never want to give up on my passion for writing….the wonderful way where I can express myself with words. ‘P’ is for PUBLIC SPEAKING….I have a fear of Public speaking….a fear that I will be at a loss for words when in front of an audience…a fear which I hope to overcome some day. ‘P’ is for POSITIVE….I hope to always stay positive and not let bitter and negative thoughts encroach into my life. ‘P’ is for PRIORITIES….I believe life is all about Priorities and every individual has a unique list of priorities…of what is important and what is not. And last but not least, ‘P’ is for PROMISES….For Promises, I am just going to quote Robert Frosts’ famous lines from his poem ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Signing off very very thankful for the Precious and Priceless People in my life and this quote by Pablo Picasso

‘Go and do the things you can't. That is how you get to do them’

Mumbai

Mumbai, about a week ago, you were torn apart by bomb blasts…yet again. Being so far away, there is one fear I constantly live with….the fear of getting the news that something bad has happened to my near and dear ones back in India. That morning, my day had just started here in the US when I heard about the bomb blasts. My first thought was about the safety of my family in Mumbai…especially my father who travels back home from work around the time that the blasts occurred. So, my first call was to my parents’ home phone….it kept ringing…..nobody picked it up. Then I called my mother’s cell phone….she didn’t pick it up either. By now, my heart was racing and my mind was filled with a thousand unwanted thoughts. Then I called my father’s cell phone….who picked it up at the second ring. I heaved a sigh of relief as he informed me that they were fine…..he had reached home early, had stepped out for a walk with my mother and had just heard about the blasts himself. Then I called my sister whose family was also fine. My next call was to my sister-in-law to check on my husband’s family. They were all fine too and as I kept the phone down, my thoughts went to all those who were killed or injured in the blasts and their families. And even though I am miles and miles away, I experienced the same feelings that every Mumbaikar was experiencing at that time….of loss, sadness, frustration, disbelief and anger….Why was this happening over and over again? Why were innocent people just going about their daily lives being targeted? What could be done to prevent it? Who is answerable? We need justice and stricter laws…..More questions than answers….and the one sentiment angrily echoed by all Mumbaikars…ENOUGH ALREADY.

Years ago, I was travelling alone to Mumbai with my then 2 year old son who got very sick there. I took him to the nearest available doctor. After prescribing the medicines the conversation shifted to the fact that I lived abroad. And to my disbelief, the doctor proceeded to lecture me about the fact that I lived abroad. He told me how he himself had many opportunities to go abroad but chose to remain in Mumbai. He questioned my sentiments for Mumbai and asked me…what have you done for Mumbai?.....And that day, for once in my life, I chose to speak up and not stay quiet. I asked him…..Sir, you are asking me what I have done for Mumbai? I will choose not to answer that or explain anything to you. Instead sir, my question to you is…..What have you done?.....He was taken aback and that day, ended up apologizing to me. It was a sad moment for me…..to be judged by someone who really did not know me at all.

I was born and raised in Mumbai. So Mumbai, from the time I was born till the time I got married and moved to the US, you have taken care of me. And there is only one other such bond with whom I have ‘physically’ been with from my birth till my marriage…..my parents. And just as I love, care for, worry and remain deeply attached to my parents whether I stay with them or am far away……similarly Mumbai, I feel the same about you. Today, I may not be a part of your day-to-day happiness, sorrows, joys and worries….but Mumbai, if you are hurt and in pain……my tears will flow.

Signing off with Mumbai and its people on my mind and this quote by Eve Merriam

‘I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?’

Rains

Its summer here in the part of the US where I live. Yet, there have been many evenings and nights when it suddenly starts to rain. And when it rains in summer, the earth gives out a heavenly smell which I simply love. Yesterday was one such night. I was chatting online with my friend (who also lives here) and told her how wonderful the rains felt. And she replied…’Yes, It’s amazing how rains can evoke so many emotions’ …True….I was watching the Hindi movie ‘Kites’ yesterday and in it Hrithik Roshan says…..’Whenever I lose someone close to me, it rains’. I was about to log off from my computer last night when my friend from Kerala, India posted the song from the Hindi movie ‘Jab we met’…'Aaoge jab tum o saajna ,anganaa phool khilenge…..barsegaa saawan jhoom jhoom ke…..do dil aise milenge’ (Translated….When you come, my love, the flowers will bloom in the courtyard…. The rain will come pouring down…. that is how two hearts will meet). She had posted the song because it was raining there in Kerala, India and rains evoked a lot of memories for her. In her own words….'Rain takes someone, gifts someone and leaves a lot of memories’. So here we were, in opposite ends of the world, looking out and enjoying the rains at the very same time. Quite wonderful!

I woke up this morning to an overcast sky and it looks like it may rain again. And somehow, the weather reminded me of the Hindi movie ‘Raincoat’ that I had seen years back……a story about 2 lovers (played by Ajay Devgan and Aishwarya Rai) separated due to circumstances and who meet again years later. She is a depressed and on the brink of poverty married housewife who pretends to be happy and prosperous in front of her ex-boyfriend. He is going through serious financial trouble but in front of her pretends that life is going great for him. They are both still very much in love with each other and during the course of the movie when they discover (without each other’s knowledge) the reality of their lives…they help each other out….again without each other’s knowledge. He keeps money (which he himself had borrowed) under her bed with a letter asking her to use it to pay the rent on her home. She keeps a pair of her gold bangles in his raincoat’s pocket with a letter asking him to sell it off and repay the money he had borrowed. By the time each realize what the other had done, they are already very far from each other again. A superb story of love, emotions, passion and attachment between lovers who continue to love and care for each other with simplicity and purity despite their circumstances and the fact that they can never be part of each other’s lives. ….a story set against the background of ‘Rains’.

For me too, rains evoke memories and emotions. I remember walking to school in the rains wearing my raincoat and rainy boots splashing in the water…feeling so carefree. I remember standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to go to college in the heavy rains, struggling to hold on to my umbrella so it doesn’t fly away. I remember being in college one day when it rained so much that all modes of transportation were unavailable, deciding to walk home, realizing that having an umbrella was of no use, closing the umbrella and just walking home in the rains. I remember waking up many a rainy mornings in Mumbai and wondering if the trains were running so I could get to work. I remember taking the bus home from work and passing by Marine Drive in Mumbai which is a spectacular sight when it rains. I remember that it rained the day I got married. I remember it rained again the day I left Mumbai to come to the US for the first time. I remember the happiness and squeals of delight when my son experienced his first rains. I remember driving in the rains for the first time. I remember sitting in the porch at the resort in Athirapally in Kerala, India and watching as the rain poured down making the greenery around seem even greener. Yes, rains evoke so many emotions and memories…..and today I have added this blog post to it.

Signing off in a mood for some piping hot ‘chai’ and ‘bhajiyas’ and this quote by Langston Hughes

‘Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.’

The colors Orange, White and Green

Next month, on August 15^th, India will celebrate her 65^th Independence Day. The day will be marked by the hoisting of the Indian flag at Delhi’s historic Red Fort by the Prime Minister of India. There will be flag hoisting ceremonies all over the country and the Indian tricolor flag with the colors ORANGE, WHITE and GREEN will be proudly displayed everywhere. But to me, India is not just those colors. With 28 states, my India is a beautiful amalgamation of cultures, languages, cuisines, festivals and colors.

Being born and raised in cosmopolitan Mumbai had its advantages for me. I grew up being a part of the many different aspects of India and those are the memories I am going to share today.

Growing up, I spoke three different languages at home….. Malayalam with my mother, English with my father and Hindi with my sister. My mother insisted that I not only learn to speak my mother tongue Malayalam but also read and write it. Today, many of my Malayalee friends in the US who were raised in Kerala have complimented me on my Malayalam which perhaps may not be as perfect as theirs but is still quite good. My father had very early on in my childhood asked me to talk to him in English so I could master the language. He would correct my grammar and encouraged me to read the newspaper daily, find a few words that I did not understand and ask him about it. Today, when I am here in the US, I have stepped out of many a meetings at work where I had to speak and been asked where I was educated. And when I answer….India, only in India….people have been surprised. My sister and I grew up conversing in Hindi and Hindi was also the language I spoke to most of my Mumbai friends. I can also understand Marathi, Tamil and Gujarati…yet, even with my ‘knowledge’ of 6 languages I have not even touched the tip of the iceberg as far as the languages in India are concerned…..because the 28 states in India each speak at least one different language.

I am a Malayalee…so I grew up celebrating the festivals of Vishu and Onam. Vishu is the Kerala New Year and we celebrated it every year with the ‘Vishu kani’ (display of auspicious items), ‘Vishu sadya’ (feast) and ‘Vishu kaineetam’ (money given by elders of the family to the young ones)…Needless to say, this was my most favorite festival. Onam marks the homecoming of the legendary king Maveli and we celebrated it every year with the ‘Pookalam’ (floral carpet) and the traditional ‘sadya’. But again, being in Mumbai I have celebrated Diwali, the festival of lights with lanterns, fireworks, rangoli (a decorative design of colors) and the snacks and sweets made by my mother and the neighboring aunts. I have been splashed with the colors of Holi and have enjoyed the Puran poli made during Holi by Maharashtrians. I have danced to the Garba for the Navratri celebrations by Gujaratis. I have attended Church and eaten the special sweets made during Christmas by my father’s colleague. I have eaten the seviyan and the incomparable biryani made by mother’s Muslim friends during Id. I have visited pandals and homes of friends to be part of the Ganesh poojas during every Ganesh Chathurti. I have seen the ‘Golus’ (display of idols on steps) in the homes of my Tamil friends during Navratri.

And what can I say about the weddings in India…they are colorful, joyful and it is a treat to be part of a wedding celebration in India…where every state has a unique wedding celebration. And so, I have danced at the ‘sangeet’ of my Punjabi friend’s wedding. I have seen my North Indian friends take the ‘saat pheras’ (seven rounds) during their weddings. I have been to Ahmedabad to attend our family friend’s wedding where I was introduced to and fell in love with Gujarati food….I will never forget the fresh aam ras (ripe mango pulp) and puri I had that day…a combination I had never eaten before…and one that is simply out of this world. I have seen my Maharashtrian friends get married in their traditional yellow sari. I have seen my Christian friend do the ‘first dance’ with her husband at her wedding. I have seen the ‘kashi yatra’ (a ritual where the bridegroom pretends to leave for Kashi ,a religious place in India and has to be convinced by the bride’s family to stay back and marry the bride) at the weddings of my Tamil friends. I have seen my Tulu friend be fitted with the ‘toe rings’ during her wedding. And of course, I myself have been married off in a traditional Kerala wedding.

Today, many of us feel that India is crowded, polluted and there is corruption everywhere. While sadly, that may be true to some extent, for me personally, India remains a kaleidoscope of rich culture and heritage. There is nostalgia in my memories of my India. And it is a fact that India continues to remain in the hearts of NRIs (Non Resident Indians) all over the world.

Signing off with India on my mind and this quote by Mark Twain

‘The land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth and fabulous poverty, of splendour and rags, of palaces and hovels, of famine and pestilence, of genii and giants and Aladdin lamps, of tigers and elephants, the cobra and the jungle, the country of hundred nations and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of traditions, whose yesterday's bear date with the modering antiquities for the rest of nations-the one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable interest for alien prince and alien peasant, for lettered and ignorant, wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the world combined’

To be a woman

To be a woman is to be a daughter who cares for, loves and worries about her parents whether she is near them or far away. To be a woman is to be a sister who is the most happiest for you in your joys and who is the strong shoulder to cry on in your sorrows. To be a woman is to be a wife who steps into her husband’s world and makes it her own. To be a woman is to be a daughter-in-law who adapts and adjusts to the ways of her husband’s family. To be a woman is to be a mother who carries her children for nine months in her womb, who suffers through labor pains to bring them into this world and who then carries them in her heart for the rest of her life. To be a woman is to be a grandmother who showers infinite love and blessings on her grand children. To be a woman is to be a friend who will stand by you in thick and thin and who will sometimes show you the mirror so you can see what you ‘need’ to see and not just what you ‘want’ to see.

To be a woman is to hold on to things which are important. To be a woman is to know that sometimes you need to let go. To be a woman is to know that sometimes it is necessary to stay quiet. To be a woman is to know that sometimes you need to speak up. To be a woman is to keep having to prove herself over and over again no matter what part of life she is in. To be a woman is to forgive but never forget. To be a woman is to sometimes smile even though her heart is crying. To be a woman is to be able to express herself through her eyes. To be a woman is to stand tall amidst any difficulties and to never lose hope. To be a woman is to be sometimes afraid to express herself. To be a woman is to have to balance a home and a career. To be a woman is to sometimes have to justify herself for following her dreams. To be a woman is to radiate beauty that comes from within. To be woman is to always remain a girl with dreams in her eyes and a song in her heart. To be a woman is to be all this and more.

Signing off simply ‘being a woman’ and this quote by Washington Irving

‘There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.’