Fall colors

This weekend, Daylight savings comes to an end for most of us folks in the US. What this means is that we will be turning the clocks back one hour on Sunday morning. I must admit even after being in the US for over 13 years, I still get confused with Daylight savings. When are we supposed to turn the clocks forward and when do we turn it back? When we turn it back, do we gain an hour or lose an hour? I remember my husband patiently explaining the concept to me many years ago. Back in India, I had never heard about Daylight savings. Daylight savings is done to make the most use of daylight, he explained. And there is nothing confusing about it, just remember spring forward and fall back. So, you turn the clocks forward in Spring and turn it back in Fall. As simple as it gets. But still does not stop me from being confused about the whole thing. So this weekend, we will be turning the clocks back denoting that we are in the midst of ‘Fall’, the season where leaves change colors and start to fall off from the trees.

Now, growing up in India, I knew of only three seasons, the Rainy season, Winter and Summer. Rainy season usually meant the beginning of a school year, roasted corn, water logged roads, stopped trains, raincoats and later umbrellas which sometimes did nothing to protect you from the rains, rainbows in the sky, the sound of rainfall, the smell of the scorched earth at the first rains (heavenly!) and of course, piping hot tea with hot bhajiyas /pakoras (fritters). There have been many a rainy evening here in the US where I have craved for and made hot bhajiyas/pakoras to go with my evening tea. Nostalgic!

Winter in Mumbai is not that cold as compared to some other parts of India. So, winter usually meant Christmas holidays. Christmas was the time when my Dad’s colleague, D’souza aunty would send us the Christmas goodies she baked. Those delicious goodies were simply out of this world. And then there was summer which meant the ending of a school year, summer vacation, mangoes, trips to Kerala and books, lots and lots of books to read.

It was only after I got married and came to the US that I was introduced to the seasons of Spring (when everything blooms) and Fall (when leaves change color and eventually fall off the trees). A few weeks ago, we made a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to see the Smokey Mountains. Everything from the drive (about 3 hours from where we live) to the place itself was a beautiful experience. Fall colors were abundant on trees everywhere. Truly, Nature is the best artist there is. The variety of colors was such an eye-pleasing and satisfying sight. Leaves of orange, yellow, purple, red, maroon (my favorite color) were interspersed everywhere with those stubborn green leaves which seemed to be the ones resisting change. Simply beautiful!

A few days after we returned from our refreshing trip, my husband asked me….Did you look at our backyard? And right there, in my very own backyard, the leaves on the trees had changed color. Fall had visited my own backyard but I had been so preoccupied with my daily routine that I had failed to notice it. And I guess that is just the way it is. Sometimes, the most beautiful things, the most wonderful people and pretty much everything you need is around you right in front of your eyes……you just fail to see it.

Signing off admiring the Fall colors around my home and this quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

‘How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.’

The 'R's of my life

Roles – Amazing isn’t it? We are just one person…one individual and yet, in our lifetime, we end up playing so many different ROLES. If I turn back and look at my life, there are so many different roles associated with me…..daughter, sister, student, friend, employee, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, acquaintance, stranger…..my role is completely defined from the perspective of the person on the other side. And each role brings out a different side of me….a different aspect of my personality. So, while my close friends and family has seen the talkative (in fact, sometimes talks without thinking) side of me….mere acquaintances and strangers may find me quiet and a tad boring. In the role of daughter to my parents, I am their child…who seeks their approval, who turns to them for advice and comfort and who enjoys being pampered by them. …..on the other hand, in the role of mother to my children, I am a parent….who nourishes, cares, protects, advises and enjoys pampering them. So yes, many different roles and which one do I like the best? ….All of them…..They are all a part of me and I love the way each role brings out a different side of my personality…..talkative, quiet, introvert, extrovert, serious, funny, philosophical, witty, go-getter, procrastinator, thinker, fun-lover. …brought out by the many different roles which all come together to define ME.

Responsibilities – All the different roles I play also lead to many different RESPONSIBILITIES. But I think in this stage of my life my biggest responsibility is towards my two children….my two little ones….whom I am responsible to mould in the right way. I think a parent plays the most important role in any child’s life. While we are responsible to raise them in a loving environment we are also responsible in teaching them right from wrong and making them grow as strong individuals.

Regrets – Don’t get me wrong….No big regrets in life. But the little little REGRETS are there….things that should have been done differently….words that should have been used differently or not used at all…..letting some people slip out of my life without realizing their importance…..at times, not speaking up when I should have…..not attending a Jagjit Singh concert when he was alive…..not volunteering for social activities before marriage while I was in India…..yes, those little little regrets….which can be identified only in hindsight. But while these little little regrets are there…I don’t regret having these little little regrets….I call them ‘experience’ ….they taught me to do things differently the next time around. I always wonder one thing though….does everyone have little little regrets in their lives? I wonder……

Respect - I RESPECT ….those who are happy even in the direst of circumstances….those who always have a smile on their face and kind words for others……those who find time in their busy lives to stay in touch with their family and friends….those who find time in their busy lives for their own hobbies and interests….those who give their 100% to whatever they are doing…..those who never give up without trying……those who find time in their lives to help others who are less privileged.

Signing off knowing that I am not much of a Risk taker and in love with Raindrops, Roses and Rainbows and this quote by Robert Frost

‘Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.’

Jagjit Singh

I was in my early 20’s when a Hindi serial called ‘Sailaab’ aired on Indian television. It was a story of 2 people in love who could not get married to each other due to circumstances. Years later, they meet again….both are now married to someone else….both love their respective spouses….and yet, when they meet again, they realize that they still deeply care for and love each other….so they start secretly meeting again and develop a platonic relationship. The serial beautifully explored complex human emotions, feelings and relationships from the perspective of all 4 people involved…the man and the woman and their respective spouses. The serial went on to become quite popular. I loved watching the serial too and I loved its title track ‘Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain ….rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai udhar ke hum hain’….(Translated: Where are we in this (life’s) journey of our own free will….wherever the winds take us that is where we travel). The profound title track was soothingly rendered by a voice that tugged at my heart and that introduced me to a world I had been oblivious of….the wonderful world of ghazals. ….and that voice belonged to ghazal maestro Jagjit Singh.

As I eagerly embarked on exploring the world of ghazals, I realized that the very same voice had sung many of my favorite Hindi movie songs….songs which I held close to my heart…songs which I heard and hummed ever so often…..be it ‘Hothon se chu lo tum’ or ‘Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho’ or ‘Tumko dekha to ye khayaal aaya’. Over the years, especially with the privilege of having the Internet at my fingertips, I have been able to listen to and be touched by many of Jagjit Singh’s ghazals. His soothing voice has been my companion when I am working or cooking or relaxing and definitely when I have been low and down….I have always found myself turning to his voice for comfort.

I woke up this morning to learn that he had passed away. I feel a deep sense of loss…..a sadness….one that you feel when a close friend is gone. Jagjitji, I never saw you in person but you have touched my life and even though you will never sing again, your voice lives on in my heart and in the hearts of countless others who are mourning your loss today. Thank you for giving us the gift of ghazals.

Signing off listening to one of my favorite ghazals by Jagjit Singh.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiiI5_HYzxs)

Tere baare mein jab socha nahin tha..... main tanhaa tha magar itna nahin tha

Teri tasvir se karta tha baaten.......mere kamre mein aaina nahin tha

Samandar ne mujhe pyaasa hi rakhaa......main jab seharaa mein tha pyaasa nahin tha

Manaane-ruthne ke khel mein hum.....bichhad jaayenge ye socha nahin tha

Suna hai band kar li us ne aankhen...... kai raaton se vo soya nahin tha.

The 'Q's of my life

Questions - Any parent with young kids as mine (mine are ages 7 and 3) will agree with me when I say that QUESTIONS are a big part of our lives…’How’, ‘When’, ‘What’ and of course the most asked ‘WHY’ (a word which I am positive I never taught my kids….where did they learn it from then?) Children these days are a very curious bunch indeed (I maintain that as kids our generation never asked our parents these many questions). My son tells me…But you are an adult Mamma, you are ‘supposed’ to know everything. Sigh! He has of course now learnt that it is ‘Google’ and not ‘Mom’ who has the answers to all the questions. And then of course there are those questions which are a part of me…..the questions that I ask myself…because though I strive to be happy no matter where I am or what I am doing….I can never be content……there is that inherent restlessness which keeps me conquering my fears and which keeps me wanting to do more, achieving more, learning more, growing more….and it is my internal questions….What more do I want to do? Where do I want to go from here? …..that keeps me going. I believe that the day I stop asking myself questions…the day I stop self reflecting….is the day that inertia would have completely set in.

Quirks – There is a quote by Harriet Stowe ‘Every man has his own QUIRKS and traits’. Quirks…certain peculiarities of behavior….now, I don’t know if every person has quirks…but I certainly do have a fair share of mine. ..For the most part, the area I am working on (my desk or my kitchen) has to be orderly…if it is a mess, I can’t think straight. I am a big user of ‘lists’…I need things written down. I can never hear an alarm clock ring even if it is placed next to my ear (in my defense, I can hear my child if he or she needs me in the next room even in the middle of the night). I can take a 10 minute power nap pretty much anywhere …in a moving bus or car, in the middle of a crowded train even if I am standing but at night the room I am sleeping in has to be dark and quiet…even the slightest noise bothers me. So, yes I have many quirks…..I do wonder if everyone does…but the fact remains that it is precisely these quirks which make me different…which make me…ME.

Signing off always preferring Quiet to Noise and knowing that sometimes it is prudent to Quit when something is not working out and this Quote by Quincy Jones

‘Imagine what a harmonious world it could be if every single person, both young and old shared a little of what he is good at doing.’

Stanley ka dabba

A few days back, I watched the Hindi movie ‘Stanley ka dabba’ (translated Stanley’s lunch box) written, directed and produced by Amole Gupte. I had heard some good reviews about the movie but had no idea what the movie was about except it was a children’s movie. It is a story about a fourth grader boy named Stanley who studies in an English medium school. Stanley is smart, funny, sweet and well liked by his teachers and classmates. So, for all appearances, Stanley is a normal boy. There is only one thing amiss….Stanley never brings a lunch box to school. During the course of the movie, you figure out something is wrong somewhere….when Stanley fills his stomach drinking water during the snack break…..when Stanley’s friends share their lunch with him because he does not have a lunch box….when he lies that he has the money to buy lunch because he does not want to keep eating lunch from his friends…..you know something is wrong…yet, you can’t place a finger on it…..because Stanley is a very happy child. The truth is revealed at the very end of the movie…..Stanley is an orphan…..his parents died in a motorcycle accident leaving him with his Chacha (uncle – father’s brother) who has no love for him, who hits him regularly and who makes the young boy work hard at the small restaurant that he owns…cleaning dishes and doing sundry work…..and that is Stanley’s reality. The message against child labor that the movie wished to convey came across to me loud and clear for 2 reasons….one, the movie is not preachy….the message is conveyed in the form of the following note at the end of the movie…..’Over 12 million Stanleys work as child laborers in India. A far greater number are exploited in the guise of family ties. Independent estimates place child laborers in India at over 50 million.’ Two, the character of Stanley himself (portrayed nicely by Amole Gupte’s son Partho). Stanley is not a whiner…given his circumstances, he displays a maturity which even most grown-ups don’t. Reading the overwhelming statics on child labor in India, I checked UNICEF’s website to find that UNICEF estimates that around 150 million children aged 5-14 in developing countries, about 16 per cent of all children in this age group, are involved in child labor all over the world. ILO estimates that throughout the world, around 215 million children under 18 work, many full-time.

Sometime back, I had read an interview of Amitabh Bachchan….Start interview excerpt ….Recalling his earlier days, Bachchan said when he was young, it was considered very important for a person like him to be a graduate and even then he too was unable to find a job and used to spend his evenings meeting friends who were also grads and still unemployed. He said that at one such meeting, one friend said that all their problems arose from the fact that their parents had brought them into this world without their permission. The filmstar said on that night he asked his father why he had brought him into this world without his permission. Amitabh said at that time, his father did not say anything but next morning, he kept a poem on his pillow in which he had said that no parent in their family had sought their children's permission for bringing them into this world. Harivanshrai also wrote that if it were possible for Amitabh, he should ask for the permit of his children before they were born…..End interview excerpt.

And isn’t that the truth for all of us….no one asks us our permission before we come into this world…..where we are born and to whom is not in our hands….I know my children and I are one of the lucky few who were born to families that care, nurture, protect and who can afford to take care of us. And then there are those many children all over the world……born to families that cannot afford to educate them, born in circumstances that force them to start working at a very young age, born in circumstances where they can never experience what a carefree childhood means.

As a young girl, when I was in Mumbai….rushing to catch the 9.05 am local train from Andheri to Chuchgate, I used to see many children working….as shoe polish boys, at the tea stalls, selling flowers, even in the trains selling bindis, earrings and clips….and honestly, never once did it occur to me that these children shouldn’t be working…that they should be in school. And even today, that voice in my head is telling me that apart from writing this blog post, there really isn’t anything else that I am doing against child labor….and I must admit, I am feeling very small indeed.

Signing off strongly believing that an education is every child’s right and child labor which exploits children is just inhumane and this snippet from a poem by William Blake

‘When my mother died I was very young,
And my father sold me while yet my tongue
Could scarcely cry 'weep! 'weep! 'weep! 'weep!
So your chimneys I sweep, and in soot I sleep.’