The tale of the undhiyon

So this is how the tale of the undhiyon goes.....for the past year or so, I have been craving undhiyon...a mixed vegetable dish that is the specialty of the state of Gujarat in India. This was a strange craving considering that the first time I had this dish was in my last year of college while I was at my first job with an insurance company in India. But I loved this dish which was an elaborate one to prepare and although I could possibly have tried making it myself it would not have been half as good as one that was prepared by a Gujarati. So I shamelessly asked any Gujarati who crossed my path....coworkers, friends, anyone at all....if they could please make undhiyon for me? Like I said, the dish is an elaborate one to prepare and so my desire to consume this exquisite dish remained unfulfilled for many months.

Undhiyon....made with many different vegetables and cooked in many spices....there are folks who do not like this dish and then there are folks like me who love it with a passion. The first time I heard about this dish was when an office potluck was being planned at my very first job some 20 years ago. There was a Mrs. Desai who worked with me and she announced that her contribution to the office potluck would be undhiyon and puris. And I turned around and asked her...what is undhiyon? She looked at me and asked....you have never eaten undhiyon? Then she proceeded to explain in great detail how undhiyon is prepared. This was a lady who loved to cook and this was a lovely lady who loved to cook for other people and so by the time she reached the end of the recipe I had fallen in love with a dish I had not yet eaten. And when she brought the dish to the office potluck I was not disappointed at all. Over the years life took us to different paths and I lost touch with her but I remember it as if it was yesterday...... Mrs. Desai standing next to me explaining how undhiyon is prepared with that smile on her face and the gleam in her eyes. Isn't it interesting how food can trigger memories and how food can create some very strong memories?

So here I was some 20 years later looking around for someone to make me some good undhiyon. Then a few days ago my friend messaged me....your undhiyon is ready. She had a Gujarati nanny who took care of her very adorable twins and my friend had put in my undhiyon request to her and she had made it for me. That evening almost one year since I first felt like having it I had my undhiyon and understood what satisfaction of the soul meant. The undhiyon had triggered many memories of a past that now seemed like a lifetime ago and had at the same time created some brand new ones...of the nanny Prafulla Aunty whom I had no connection with but who had unknowingly created a zen undhiyon moment for me, of my friend who has a gazillion things to do and remember but who made sure her nanny made the undhiyon for me and of the fact that this happened around Navratri one of the biggest festivals of Gujarat and around the same time her babies are almost turning one. The day I got the undhiyon had been a long exhausting day and the undhiyon left me feeling loved and taken care of....this undhiyon has thus left me with its own set of memories. And perhaps that was the reason for my unexplained craving of a dish that I did not grow up eating...a craving that was so random and out of the ordinary.

And that is also the reason why I dusted off my long neglected blog and wrote this blog post. It deserved more than just a verbal thanks.

Signing off knowing that sometimes the smallest of actions can cause the most long lasting memories for a life time and this quote by Cesar Chavez

"If you really want to make a friend, go to someone's house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart".

Life

Isn’t it amazing how each human being is different?  Our unique looks, voices, features, mannerisms and personalities make us distinct and sets each of us apart from the others. Our intelligence, emotions and feelings makes us superior to all the other species on the planet.  Which is why I cannot understand how a human being can kill another human being?

On June 2, 2012, there was a shooting in a crowded mall in Toronto’s Eaton Center.  Among the many shoppers was 24 year old Jessica Ghawi.  She later blogged about her experience that day. She wrote, “I was shown how fragile life was.  I was reminded that we don’t know when or where our time on Earth will end. When or where we will breathe our last breath”

About a month and a half later, on July 20, 2012 a mass shooting took place at a movie theatre in Colorado. A gunman walked into the theatre and shot into the audience killing 12 people and injuring 58 others. Among those killed was Jessica Ghawi.

Sometimes, people whom you have never met can touch your life in unexpected ways.  While writing about the Toronto shooting, Jessica had written, “I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given”.   

Jessica lost her life to a senseless killing leaving behind her thoughts which had a deep effect on me.  They made me stop and take a good look within myself. I was forced to assess and reassess my priorities. What was important and what was not. Where I really had to try harder and hold on to. Where I had to move on and let go. How in spite of being busy I had to find the time for the ‘little things’ in life which are in reality not little at all.  Life is indeed fragile.   And in the end, how we choose to live it, is entirely upto us.

And so today, I did the one thing that I had not gotten around to doing this summer…..I took my kids to a movie.  Those moments spent at the movie with them today were indeed precious. And their excited smiling faces are the little big things that make up my life.

Signing off with a prayer for the families of all those who have lost their lives to senseless killings and this quote from Disney Pixar’s movie Brave which we watched today.

‘Some say fate is beyond our command, but I know better. Our destiny is within us. You just have to be brave enough to see it’

Cancer

Last week, some of my friends lost one of their friends to Cancer. I had never met her and yet somehow her loss felt personal to me.  She was young, had two school going children and had been battling Cancer for a while. My friends often told me how in spite of everything, her outlook towards life always remained positive and how she was an inspiration.  I pray that her family finds the strength to deal with her loss.

When you lose a loved one to Cancer, one of the most difficult things to deal with is the feeling of helplessness. Somehow, you end up with the feeling that there was nothing you could do to help the person who was suffering. Nothing you could do to make them stay.  I know that feeling of helplessness. It will be four years this week since my father in law passed away. One January, four years ago, we got the call informing us that my healthy and active father in law had been diagnosed with cancer. We were shocked and devastated at the news. There had been no symptoms and by the time he was diagnosed, it was too late. Many different treatment options were tried out. None of them worked and four months later, he was gone. Just like that. He never saw my daughter, his granddaughter who was born a month after he passed away. To me, he was my father. To my son, his four year old buddy and to my husband, he was a friend.  Four years later we still feel his absence. 

Yet, one thing that changed for me personally after my father-in-law passed away is the understanding and acceptance of the fact that life is unpredictable.  Things don’t always go as planned. You never know what awaits you at the next turn.  So, I try harder now. I try harder to take each day as it comes. I try harder to hold on tight to the people in my life whom I love and I try harder to always look at the positive side of things. Because life is just too short to be living it any other way.

This blog post is in honor of the two strong and inspiring individuals who lost their life to Cancer…my friends’ friend and my father in law. They may be gone but their memories will always stay.  And their positive attitude during their most difficult times will continue to inspire us.

Signing off on my first blog post of 2012 with a thank you to all my friends who inspire, encourage and motivate me and this quote by Anthony J. D'Angelo

‘Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.’

Fall colors

This weekend, Daylight savings comes to an end for most of us folks in the US. What this means is that we will be turning the clocks back one hour on Sunday morning. I must admit even after being in the US for over 13 years, I still get confused with Daylight savings. When are we supposed to turn the clocks forward and when do we turn it back? When we turn it back, do we gain an hour or lose an hour? I remember my husband patiently explaining the concept to me many years ago. Back in India, I had never heard about Daylight savings. Daylight savings is done to make the most use of daylight, he explained. And there is nothing confusing about it, just remember spring forward and fall back. So, you turn the clocks forward in Spring and turn it back in Fall. As simple as it gets. But still does not stop me from being confused about the whole thing. So this weekend, we will be turning the clocks back denoting that we are in the midst of ‘Fall’, the season where leaves change colors and start to fall off from the trees.

Now, growing up in India, I knew of only three seasons, the Rainy season, Winter and Summer. Rainy season usually meant the beginning of a school year, roasted corn, water logged roads, stopped trains, raincoats and later umbrellas which sometimes did nothing to protect you from the rains, rainbows in the sky, the sound of rainfall, the smell of the scorched earth at the first rains (heavenly!) and of course, piping hot tea with hot bhajiyas /pakoras (fritters). There have been many a rainy evening here in the US where I have craved for and made hot bhajiyas/pakoras to go with my evening tea. Nostalgic!

Winter in Mumbai is not that cold as compared to some other parts of India. So, winter usually meant Christmas holidays. Christmas was the time when my Dad’s colleague, D’souza aunty would send us the Christmas goodies she baked. Those delicious goodies were simply out of this world. And then there was summer which meant the ending of a school year, summer vacation, mangoes, trips to Kerala and books, lots and lots of books to read.

It was only after I got married and came to the US that I was introduced to the seasons of Spring (when everything blooms) and Fall (when leaves change color and eventually fall off the trees). A few weeks ago, we made a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to see the Smokey Mountains. Everything from the drive (about 3 hours from where we live) to the place itself was a beautiful experience. Fall colors were abundant on trees everywhere. Truly, Nature is the best artist there is. The variety of colors was such an eye-pleasing and satisfying sight. Leaves of orange, yellow, purple, red, maroon (my favorite color) were interspersed everywhere with those stubborn green leaves which seemed to be the ones resisting change. Simply beautiful!

A few days after we returned from our refreshing trip, my husband asked me….Did you look at our backyard? And right there, in my very own backyard, the leaves on the trees had changed color. Fall had visited my own backyard but I had been so preoccupied with my daily routine that I had failed to notice it. And I guess that is just the way it is. Sometimes, the most beautiful things, the most wonderful people and pretty much everything you need is around you right in front of your eyes……you just fail to see it.

Signing off admiring the Fall colors around my home and this quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

‘How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.’

The 'R's of my life

Roles – Amazing isn’t it? We are just one person…one individual and yet, in our lifetime, we end up playing so many different ROLES. If I turn back and look at my life, there are so many different roles associated with me…..daughter, sister, student, friend, employee, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, acquaintance, stranger…..my role is completely defined from the perspective of the person on the other side. And each role brings out a different side of me….a different aspect of my personality. So, while my close friends and family has seen the talkative (in fact, sometimes talks without thinking) side of me….mere acquaintances and strangers may find me quiet and a tad boring. In the role of daughter to my parents, I am their child…who seeks their approval, who turns to them for advice and comfort and who enjoys being pampered by them. …..on the other hand, in the role of mother to my children, I am a parent….who nourishes, cares, protects, advises and enjoys pampering them. So yes, many different roles and which one do I like the best? ….All of them…..They are all a part of me and I love the way each role brings out a different side of my personality…..talkative, quiet, introvert, extrovert, serious, funny, philosophical, witty, go-getter, procrastinator, thinker, fun-lover. …brought out by the many different roles which all come together to define ME.

Responsibilities – All the different roles I play also lead to many different RESPONSIBILITIES. But I think in this stage of my life my biggest responsibility is towards my two children….my two little ones….whom I am responsible to mould in the right way. I think a parent plays the most important role in any child’s life. While we are responsible to raise them in a loving environment we are also responsible in teaching them right from wrong and making them grow as strong individuals.

Regrets – Don’t get me wrong….No big regrets in life. But the little little REGRETS are there….things that should have been done differently….words that should have been used differently or not used at all…..letting some people slip out of my life without realizing their importance…..at times, not speaking up when I should have…..not attending a Jagjit Singh concert when he was alive…..not volunteering for social activities before marriage while I was in India…..yes, those little little regrets….which can be identified only in hindsight. But while these little little regrets are there…I don’t regret having these little little regrets….I call them ‘experience’ ….they taught me to do things differently the next time around. I always wonder one thing though….does everyone have little little regrets in their lives? I wonder……

Respect - I RESPECT ….those who are happy even in the direst of circumstances….those who always have a smile on their face and kind words for others……those who find time in their busy lives to stay in touch with their family and friends….those who find time in their busy lives for their own hobbies and interests….those who give their 100% to whatever they are doing…..those who never give up without trying……those who find time in their lives to help others who are less privileged.

Signing off knowing that I am not much of a Risk taker and in love with Raindrops, Roses and Rainbows and this quote by Robert Frost

‘Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.’

Jagjit Singh

I was in my early 20’s when a Hindi serial called ‘Sailaab’ aired on Indian television. It was a story of 2 people in love who could not get married to each other due to circumstances. Years later, they meet again….both are now married to someone else….both love their respective spouses….and yet, when they meet again, they realize that they still deeply care for and love each other….so they start secretly meeting again and develop a platonic relationship. The serial beautifully explored complex human emotions, feelings and relationships from the perspective of all 4 people involved…the man and the woman and their respective spouses. The serial went on to become quite popular. I loved watching the serial too and I loved its title track ‘Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain ….rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai udhar ke hum hain’….(Translated: Where are we in this (life’s) journey of our own free will….wherever the winds take us that is where we travel). The profound title track was soothingly rendered by a voice that tugged at my heart and that introduced me to a world I had been oblivious of….the wonderful world of ghazals. ….and that voice belonged to ghazal maestro Jagjit Singh.

As I eagerly embarked on exploring the world of ghazals, I realized that the very same voice had sung many of my favorite Hindi movie songs….songs which I held close to my heart…songs which I heard and hummed ever so often…..be it ‘Hothon se chu lo tum’ or ‘Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho’ or ‘Tumko dekha to ye khayaal aaya’. Over the years, especially with the privilege of having the Internet at my fingertips, I have been able to listen to and be touched by many of Jagjit Singh’s ghazals. His soothing voice has been my companion when I am working or cooking or relaxing and definitely when I have been low and down….I have always found myself turning to his voice for comfort.

I woke up this morning to learn that he had passed away. I feel a deep sense of loss…..a sadness….one that you feel when a close friend is gone. Jagjitji, I never saw you in person but you have touched my life and even though you will never sing again, your voice lives on in my heart and in the hearts of countless others who are mourning your loss today. Thank you for giving us the gift of ghazals.

Signing off listening to one of my favorite ghazals by Jagjit Singh.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiiI5_HYzxs)

Tere baare mein jab socha nahin tha..... main tanhaa tha magar itna nahin tha

Teri tasvir se karta tha baaten.......mere kamre mein aaina nahin tha

Samandar ne mujhe pyaasa hi rakhaa......main jab seharaa mein tha pyaasa nahin tha

Manaane-ruthne ke khel mein hum.....bichhad jaayenge ye socha nahin tha

Suna hai band kar li us ne aankhen...... kai raaton se vo soya nahin tha.

The 'Q's of my life

Questions - Any parent with young kids as mine (mine are ages 7 and 3) will agree with me when I say that QUESTIONS are a big part of our lives…’How’, ‘When’, ‘What’ and of course the most asked ‘WHY’ (a word which I am positive I never taught my kids….where did they learn it from then?) Children these days are a very curious bunch indeed (I maintain that as kids our generation never asked our parents these many questions). My son tells me…But you are an adult Mamma, you are ‘supposed’ to know everything. Sigh! He has of course now learnt that it is ‘Google’ and not ‘Mom’ who has the answers to all the questions. And then of course there are those questions which are a part of me…..the questions that I ask myself…because though I strive to be happy no matter where I am or what I am doing….I can never be content……there is that inherent restlessness which keeps me conquering my fears and which keeps me wanting to do more, achieving more, learning more, growing more….and it is my internal questions….What more do I want to do? Where do I want to go from here? …..that keeps me going. I believe that the day I stop asking myself questions…the day I stop self reflecting….is the day that inertia would have completely set in.

Quirks – There is a quote by Harriet Stowe ‘Every man has his own QUIRKS and traits’. Quirks…certain peculiarities of behavior….now, I don’t know if every person has quirks…but I certainly do have a fair share of mine. ..For the most part, the area I am working on (my desk or my kitchen) has to be orderly…if it is a mess, I can’t think straight. I am a big user of ‘lists’…I need things written down. I can never hear an alarm clock ring even if it is placed next to my ear (in my defense, I can hear my child if he or she needs me in the next room even in the middle of the night). I can take a 10 minute power nap pretty much anywhere …in a moving bus or car, in the middle of a crowded train even if I am standing but at night the room I am sleeping in has to be dark and quiet…even the slightest noise bothers me. So, yes I have many quirks…..I do wonder if everyone does…but the fact remains that it is precisely these quirks which make me different…which make me…ME.

Signing off always preferring Quiet to Noise and knowing that sometimes it is prudent to Quit when something is not working out and this Quote by Quincy Jones

‘Imagine what a harmonious world it could be if every single person, both young and old shared a little of what he is good at doing.’