The 'N's of my life

Numbers – I am an accountant. And so, NUMBERS are a very important N of my life. When I was in school, we had accounting as an optional subject in the 9^th and 10^th grade. And I fell in love with the subject. As I learnt the golden rules of accounting…what to debit and what to credit….I knew this is what I wanted to be doing for a career. I took up accounting in college and then became a cost accountant ….I hold a certificate of merit for having cleared all 8 papers of the final cost accounting exams in one sitting….a feat which I am very proud of and which would not have been possible without the help and encouragement of one of my dearest friends (you know who you are…as a rule I never mention any names except my own on my blog so am not mentioning yours either...but this is one time I really wish I could make an exception…thank you from the bottom of my heart). Even today, years after graduating college, I love what I do. Balancing reports, reconciling accounts, figuring out discrepancies, preparing financials….this is what I am meant to do. If a report does not balance, if the bank statement does not reconcile…I will be at it until I can figure it out, sometimes up until quite late at night to do it….there is a challenge to it that I immensely enjoy. And I really cannot imagine myself as anything else but an accountant.

Nature – I love NATURE…..whether it is the green of the grass and trees or the many different colored flowers, whether it is the blue water at the beaches of Kovalam in Kerala, India or the blue water at Lake Tahoe in the US, whether it is the waterfalls at Athirapally in Kerala, India or the waterfalls at Yosemite in the US, whether it is the natural beauty in Goa, India or the Jurong bird park in Singapore…..Nature in its many forms fascinates and captivates me. Sometimes, I just close my eyes and imagine myself standing next to a waterfall or watching the sun set at a beach…the mental picture works wonders for me. Yes, Nature can soothe me and make me feel very very relaxed.

Needs - So many NEEDS…..Sometimes, I need motivation. Sometimes, I need reassurance. Sometimes, I need a friend to talk to. Sometimes, I need to be left alone. Sometimes, I need a sounding board. Sometimes, I need encouragement. Sometimes, I need appreciation. Sometimes, I need to be with friends. Sometimes, I need silence. Sometimes, I need a shoulder to cry on. And sometimes, I just need a sign.

Signing off feeling quite ‘Nostalgic’ at times and also knowing that sometimes it is just ‘Necessary’ to say ‘No’ and this quote by Nelson Mandela

‘It always seems impossible until it is done’.

The 'M's of my life

Menon – My last name is MENON. In my school days, we were 3 girls by the name Geeta in the same class. And so, in order to differentiate between the 3 of us, class mates and teachers added either our last name or the initials of our middle or last names to our names. So, one Geeta was Geeta K (my best friend to date), the other was Geeta G (her 6 year old twins and my sister’s 6 year old daughter are school mates and best friends today – a small world indeed!) and I was Geeta Menon. And thus, my last name was a very important part of my life growing up. In college and later at work, my last name was not used as much, but continued to remain very much a part of me whenever I filled out any application or form. Then, I got married….to my husband……whose last name is……yes, Menon. And just like that, with a signature on my marriage certificate I had gone from Miss Menon to Mrs. Menon……and my last name…..the name I had known since the day I was born….stayed with me. When my children were born here in the US, their birth certificates needed their mother’s (my) ‘maiden’ name. And both the times, the nurses at the hospital came back with the form I had filled out stating that I had mentioned my maiden name as ‘Geeta Menon’. They were sure I had made a mistake since my husband had the same last name. And when I explained that ‘Menon’ was indeed my maiden name, they were puzzled and asked me if my husband and I were related to each other before marriage. But the fact of the matter is, before my husband came with his family to ‘see’ me before our marriage was fixed, we had never met each other. We found out much later that one of his closest friends lived in the same building as me and he had visited his friend’s house a few times before, another of his friend’s father was my father’s colleague and they had also been our neighbors in the past and finally, my husband’s closest friend’s sister was my college friend! Yet, we had never met each other. So, is it possible that we may have perhaps crossed paths in the past? The romantic in me wants to believe ‘Yes’. And since unlike in movies, such happenings in real life are not accompanied by background music……I guess I will never know. What I do know is that we were destined to be life partners……and I was destined to remain Geeta Menon.

Mumbai - MUMBAI….the only place I ever called home until I got married. The place where I was born, raised and educated. The place where my parents and sister still live. The place where many of my friends still live. It’s been 13 years since I left Mumbai……and a lot has changed since. Malls have come up, cells phones which were uncommon back then are now a necessity, there is more traffic, more noise, more pollution……and yet, in spite of all the changes, Mumbai continues to remain very much ‘mine’. My heart cries whenever Mumbai is in trouble (severe flooding in rains, train bomb blasts) and my heart swells with pride when I hear about the ‘Mumbai spirit’ (people helping strangers at such difficult times without a second thought). The excitement I feel when the plane lands at Mumbai airport is beyond words. I have noticed that every time the plane is about to land, my husband (also from Mumbai) and I have a big smile on our faces as we excitedly tell each other…Pohach gaye Mumbai! (translated: We have reached Mumbai!). Yes, no matter how far we may physically be from Mumbai…..Mumbai continues to remain close…..very, very close to our hearts.

Music - As a child, I would go to sleep with the radio beside my head listening to songs. My Dad would later come switch it off after I was in dreamland. And since then, MUSIC remains an important part of my life. I am not formally trained in music and I am not a great singer…..but I connect to Music or rather Music connects to me. It can leave me happy, joyous, serene and some music can even move me to tears. I start my day with music, songs are always playing while I am driving my car and music is on while I cook. Because music is to me not just a source of entertainment….music touches my soul.

Movies – I love watching movies. And while I appreciate and like good meaningful cinema, I also love watching mindless, colorful, full of emotions, songs and dances movies which can entertain me. And language is not a barrier…..Malayalam, Hindi, English, Tamil and even languages I can’t understand which have English sub-titles…..any movie which interests or entertains me. I even love watching children’s movies…..it is so much fun watching those along with my children….to laugh and giggle with them…to become a child again for an hour or so. Movies…..that source of entertainment which enables us to sit back and relax…..which enables us to step into make-believe worlds, which enables us to get in touch with so many emotions at the same time….which sometimes helps to distract us from our worries and problems. Yes, without doubt, MOVIES is an important M of my life.

Signing off knowing that the ‘M’s of my life would be incomplete if I did not mention ‘Malayalam’ (my mother tongue….a language I am proud of…a language which though raised in Mumbai my mother insisted I know not only how to speak but also to read and write); ‘Multitasking’ (which I often do in order to fit in the many things I love to do in my life) and ‘Meditation’ (those few moments in my day which help relax and reflect) and this quote by Muhammad Ali

‘What keeps me going is goals’.

Mob mentality

The Stanley Cup is an ice hockey club trophy. On Wednesday, June 15, 2011, Boston Bruins won over Vancouver Canucks in game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals. This triggered riots in the downtown area of Vancouver, Canada by disappointed Canucks fans. These riots which is now referred to as the ‘Vancouver riots’ left a series of destruction and injuries in its wake. And this reaction of the disappointed fans which left the world stunned is being attributed to ‘Mob mentality’.

So, what is Mob mentality? It is the tendency of individuals to behave in accordance with the behavior of a group.

I do agree that being in a group influences our behavior and thinking and I do not mean that in a negative way. Different groups bring out different characteristics and traits of different individuals. How I myself behave with one group of individuals differs highly from how I behave with another group. So, a group of close friends will see a different side of my personality than a group of strangers or people whom I have just met. And human beings being essentially social animals have this inherent desire to ‘fit in’. Thus, most of us will flow with the thinking of the group. So yes, groups do tend to influence an individual’s behavior and thinking.

But the question in my mind is……To what extent can being in a group influence an individual’s behavior? The Vancouver riots and similar other riots in history show us the extreme influence of a group. So, does this mean that we all have in us a beast that is just waiting to be awakened? Are we capable of so being influenced by a set of individuals that we stop thinking rationally and have no problem in destroying property and causing bodily harm to other human beings?

I strongly believe that the answer to that is ….NO…..Most of us can still hold on to our rational thinking…..we cannot harm other human beings even if the opportunity presented itself and even if the anonymity of being in a group let us get away with it. That is my belief and I am sticking to it. And I hope I never personally have to witness a situation where I am proved wrong and find out that the answer to my question is in fact…YES.

Signing off pondering over the extent of a group’s influence over an individual and this poem ‘The Vendor’ which I wrote when I was 18 years old.

He clutched his bag in his hand,
And took out his wares one by one.
'Please buy my wares’, he pleaded,
'Only Rupees ten for one’.

No one wanted to buy his wares,
His cries seemed to be in vain.
His entreaties turned into tears,
He was obviously in pain.

Maybe a near one was in trouble,
Maybe a dear one was ill.
Maybe it was his growling stomach,
Which he was trying to fill.

Whatever the reason it was,
There he stood with tear filled eyes.
But the crowd seemed not to care,
Nobody seemed to hear his cries.

Nearby I stood watching the scene,
'Has compassion died?’ I frowned.
But my conscience chided me
I myself was part of the crowd.

The 'L's of my life

Life – A friend recently posted this status on Facebook…..’Journeys are different’ …..and I think that sentence nicely sums up an important L of my life…..LIFE itself. My own life…..so unique to me…..like a roller coaster…..whose ups and downs are mine and mine alone. With my joys, my sorrows, my victories, my inner conflicts, my inspirations, my laughter, my tears, my smiles, my dreams, my doubts, my fears, my strengths…..my life’s journey is unique and different than that of any other person on this planet…..quite amazing really!

Lessons – Life is a great teacher. It keeps handing down important LESSONS to you. And if you are lucky you pick up on these lessons which help you in your journey of life. Last week, I was watching the show SAREGAMA Little Champs on Indian television. It is a music competition for children. On that episode, three boys and three girls were sent into the challenge round. Among them, one boy and one girl would be eliminated at the end of the round based on their performance. One girl (around 10-11 years of age) started her performance and stopped half way saying she felt her voice did not sound good and so, could she please try again? The judges declined saying…it is a competition, we are sorry but you cannot sing again. That day, she was the girl who got eliminated…perhaps if she had completed her singing she might have had a chance of staying on. Then the very same day, I read about 17 year old Nathan Kotylak, an elite Canadian athlete whose actions in the Vancouver riots could most likely cost him his lifelong dream to complete in the Olympics. And just like that, on the same day, through the happenings in the lives of other people, Life had not only handed me an important lesson but also reinforced it…..Sometimes, there just aren’t any second chances. Such lessons keep coming…through happenings in my own life and happenings in others’ lives…..lessons that teach…lessons that make me reflect and think.

Learning curve - I have been through many learning curves in my life. The first time I heard this term was in college. As my professor drew a graph trying to explain the term LEARNING CURVE, it was just another term to me at that time. And then I experienced it in every job that I have worked in my life….every job. The term made sense and usually at the end of the first day at any job when I felt overwhelmed and was left wondering if I will ever be able to do my job, it was the term learning curve that gave me assurance. And now I understand, there really is such a thing and once you get over it, you become really good at what you do. But the most challenging learning curve in my life to date was when I experienced motherhood for the first time. My parents who had come to the US for my delivery went back to India when my son was 5 months old. And here I was, a first time mother, alone with my son for 12 hours a day (while my husband was at work) and feeling quite overwhelmed. Sometimes, my son would not eat, sometimes he would not go to sleep (and trying to put him to sleep on my shoulder would just annoy him), he would cry, he would have a runny nose (sending me into a state of panic). Yes, I really experienced a steep learning curve then. But like everywhere else that I had experienced this curve…I learnt. I learnt that he would eat if I entertained him with stories that I made up, I learnt he would sleep if I sat down and rocked him to sleep on my legs, I learnt I could easily make him stop crying if I distracted him with something else, I learnt that a runny nose is just a runny nose…sign of a ‘common’ cold. Needless to say, raising my daughter has been a much better experience because the flustered, unsure, does not know what to do mother has climbed up the learning curve and evolved into a confident, sure, knows what she is doing Mom. There has still been a learning curve though not as steep because the things that worked with my son don’t work with my daughter. She will not sleep if carried or rocked. She likes to be left alone in her crib where she just goes off to sleep. No amount of distractions can make her stop crying….they only serve in making her cry louder. What works is simply wiping her tears and giving her a kiss…..yes, as simple as that.

Lists – My day starts with my morning tea, one Hindi song that I listen to while drinking my tea and my list for the day. Making a list was a habit that started when I got married, came to the US and then got a full-time job. Suddenly, my whole life had changed and how! Here I was, with a job, with a house to take care of and add to that 2 hours of travel time everyday….and I had more things on my plate than I knew what to do with. After the initial frustration and struggle at trying to do too many things, I figured it was time to get a little organized and that is how 12 years ago, the habit of making LISTS started. It is just a daily list with things that need to get done during the day…since I work from home, my work deadlines are usually in it, so are the things that need to be taken care of on the home front…..and for the last year or so, I have made an effort to add to the list at least one thing that I ‘like’ to do….so reading, watching a movie, blogging….these are showing up more often helping me achieve a little balance in life. And yes, today’s list has ‘Blog’ on it which I will go check off as soon as I post this.

Signing off wanting to always ‘Listen’ (not just hear) and thankful for the ‘Love’ and ‘Laughter’ in my life and this quote by Leonardo Da Vinci

‘It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.’

Daddy dearest

This Sunday, June 19, is Father’s Day. So, today’s post is about the 3 fathers in my life…..my own father, my late father-in-law and my husband (father to my 2 children).

My father….I am my parent’s eldest child born to them after 4 years of marriage and so a much awaited child. My mother always told me one thing….your father can handle any difficulties that come his way but he cannot bear to see you sad. And that statement is testimony to the infinite love that my father has for me. There is another thing which is equally true…..I do believe that this is true for all daughters…..they cannot bear it if their Dads scold them. As a child, I would start to cry if my father scolded me (which he rarely did but when he did…..it would make me really sad). Of course, it is Mom’s constant disciplining which has helped make me who I am today…..but I guess like most daughters, I also tended to not be too bothered about it. And today, life has come a full circle….my daughter is not too bothered if I scold her but will promptly burst into tears if her Dad tells her anything. Yes, a father – daughter relationship is unique and special. Mine is an arranged marriage and after I met my soon to be husband there was one thing which bothered me and which I expressed only to my father. I would be in the US after my marriage…far away from him…..how can I be so far away from you Daddy? And my father told me….I want to see you happy with a person who will love you and take care of you and my heart tells me he is that person. I would rather know that you are far away and well settled than have you nearby and miserable. Today, because we are in two different countries, I don’t see him often but he continues to be with me as my pillar and strength, always inspiring me. To my father….you are the best father to my sister and me…Happy Father’s Day to you.

My late father-in-law…..Since my husband is here in the US, when our marriage proposal came about, I first met his father…..my late father-in-law. And that meeting signified the development of the close bond that we had for the next 10 years until he passed away. To him, he had 4 children…..his 2 sons and his 2 daughters-in-law. The love he had for all of us was the same. In fact, my husband used to good naturedly complain…..Sometimes you act as if she is your daughter and I am your son-in-law. I was eight months pregnant with my daughter when my father-in-law became seriously ill. So I could not travel to India to see him. My husband went alone and was by his father’s side when he breathed his last. My father was the person who called me to give me the news. It was late in India when the call came. And when I picked up the phone and heard my father’s voice at the other end, I knew…..I asked my Dad…..Daddy? (that is how I called my father-in-law)….and my father replied…Yes, not with us anymore. I did not fight back the tears that had started rolling down. Then my father said something…..the best thing that a father can feel about his daughter’s father-in-law….I know, you were as much a daughter to him as you are to me. And that statement is testimony to the love that my father-in-law had for me. He has been gone for 3 years now….we all miss him a lot…..to us, he was the best father.

My husband….father to my 2 children…they are his world….he loves them, he equally disciplines them, he advices them, he laughs with them, he listens patiently to every little thing they have to say, he plays with them, he gives them piggy back rides, he wants to make them tough and capable of dealing with anything in this world…..and he can face any difficulties that come his way….except seeing his children sick or sad. My daughter lately has developed the habit of putting her little arms around him, hugging him and saying…..Daddy, you are the best. And that statement is testimony to the love and the bond that my children have with their father. To my husband, you are the best father our children could have….Happy Father’s Day to you.

To all the Dads out there…..To your daughters, you will always be that highest standard that their future husbands will have to match up to. To your sons, you are their role model and they will want to be like you….a word of appreciation from you makes them very very happy. And to your children….you will always remain their pillar and strength....to them, you will always be the best father in the whole world.

Signing off wishing all the Super Dads out there a very Happy Father’s Day and this quote

‘Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad’

The smell of....

Shakespeare famously quoted…..A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Yes, it does not matter what we would call a rose….because it is the smell that makes it so beautiful.

Smell…it is amazing how smells can trigger memories…take you back in time.

I love the smell of the ground when it first rains after a hot summer…….it takes me back to my childhood, to the first rains in Mumbai, to the roasted corn my Mom would bring for us, eating the corn, watching the rainfall, smelling the heavenly smell of the ground and if lucky, seeing a rainbow in the sky.

I love the smell of mint leaves…..I associate it with the pudina (mint) chutney used for panipuris. It takes me back to my teens when I would go for long walks with my best friend just to eat the panipuris from the roadside vendor…..chatting nonstop till we got there and chatting nonstop again till we got home. My mother used to tell me…you girls meet everyday….yet you always have something to talk about. Yes, some friendships are like that….you never run out of conversation.

I love the smell of ripe jackfruit…..I am not particularly fond of the taste of jackfruit as such….but it has a wonderful aroma and it takes me back to my childhood Vishu kanis. Vishu is a New Year festival celebrated in Kerala and the Vishu kani is the first sight of the New Year. It is an arrangement of auspicious articles like God’s idol or photos, rice, lemon, mirror, yellow flowers, lamp, fruits, coins, etc. And my parents always kept the jackfruit in the Vishu kani. So every Vishu, as my father woke me up, as I walked with closed eyes towards the kani….the first smell that would hit me was the smell of the jackfruit. Today, when I keep a Vishu kani here in my home in the US, I always buy a can of jackfruit….we don’t get fresh jackfruit here. It may not be fresh but it still smells heavenly……and when I place it alongside the other items…to me, my Vishu kani is complete.

I love the smell of Nescafe…..no other coffee…just Nescafe….it takes me back to the time when I used to work for a bank in India before my marriage. We used to have a coffee break around 3 pm and the canteen boy would go around giving the coffee. And as I sipped on my Nescafe (it has such a wonderful smell)…I would chat with my co worker sitting next to me….she and I were very different from each other and yet, we connected at many levels to become close friends. We would share our lives happenings with each other. For some reason, she called me ‘Baalike’…a name by which only she calls me in this world. To my friend…I miss those days and I hold those moments shared with you close to my heart.

I love the smell of fish fry….my mother is a vegetarian…..so I learnt to cook fish from my uncle who unexpectedly passed away a few years back. He was like an elder brother to me and so every time I fry fish…it takes me back to my memories with him.

I love the smell of mehendi (henna)….it takes me back to the day before my wedding when I had mehendi applied on my hands…..symbolizing my transition from a young girl to a woman…from a daughter to a wife. That day, my mom fed me with her hands and today, being a mother to a daughter myself…I understand the emotions on her face as she was feeding me…..the sadness of a mother whose child was going far away from her….that memory which only strengthened the bond between my mother and me is priceless.

I love the smell of jasmine flowers….it reminds me of all the summer vacations spent in Kerala in my childhood…especially the temple visits in the evenings, dressed in traditional Kerala clothes with a string of jasmine in my hair.

I love the smell of Johnson’s baby powder…..it takes me back to the time when both my children were babies….I remember hugging my cuddly babies and taking in the smell of the baby powder that I would have put on them after giving them a bath.

I love the smell of a new book…..it takes me back to my childhood when my father would buy me all the possible comics to read….Phantom, Mandrake, Tinkle, Amar Chitra Katha, Bahadur…..an endless list.

I love the smell of chicken biryani…..Now this recipe I got from a dear friend whom again destiny made me meet. She is related to another friend and lives in the place where we moved to last year. And so when I was planning my move, she was my guide….who would patiently respond to the many questions I had about the place. She cooked this biryani for us the first time we had dinner at her place. And was happy when I asked her for the recipe as it was her parents’ recipe and she had many childhood memories associated with it. The biryani uses a lot of coriander leaves and so it fills my home with a wonderful smell. As soon as it starts to cook….my daughter will come running and ask…Are you making biryani today?...and be very happy when I say Yes. Then my son will walk home from school and happily ask….Biryani for dinner today Mamma? And when my husband walks in from work…he will ask…Aaj biryani hai? (Biryani today?)…. Yes, it has become a favorite with the 3 people in my home. To my friend….thank you for the recipe….it is helping me make some memories of my own.

I love the smell of fresh laundry…..I always complain to my Mom….My laundry basket is like the Akshayapatram…..a magical vessel of food in Hindu mythology…with an uninterrupted supply of food…no matter how much food is taken from it….it keeps filling up. My laundry basket feels like that….no matter how many times I do the laundry….I feel that the basket keeps filling up. Sigh! But in the end…the fresh clean smell of the laundry makes the effort well worth it.

Signing off to go open the windows and take in the smell of fresh air and this quote by Helen Keller

‘Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived.’